


Actions for the Eyes

by oursolemnhour49



Category: Death Note
Genre: Angst, Character Study, Gen, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-20
Updated: 2013-12-20
Packaged: 2018-01-05 07:30:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,353
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1091228
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oursolemnhour49/pseuds/oursolemnhour49
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Misa Amane knows how to play an audience; she's done it all her life. But convincing people of true love is a difficult task for any actress, and the difficulty is doubled when her watchers are full of skeptics. No matter how hard she tries, there's one audience member she can't convince- that perverted detective Ryuzaki.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Actions for the Eyes

**Author's Note:**

> I have this major fascination with Misa Amane. She's irritating and obnoxious as can be, and yet she has this strange resolution and devotion that's completely out of place in the world she's in. It's a ton of fun to explore that, and I love doing it with the catalyst of other characters. In this case, the honor went to L, who I've been wanting to write with her for ages now.
> 
> (This fic is also on ff.net)
> 
> I do not own Death Note.

Misa Amane knew Light Yagami would never love her the way she loved him.

That knowledge sat in her chest like an ugly pit that she'd thrown a bright blanket over. If she took off the blanket- the joyful hugs, dressing up to look pretty and desirable, refusing to kiss anyone else- she knew she would see the pit of Light's coldness, his relentless dedication to work, and the way he shut everyone out.

She caught brief glimpses of that pit whenever Light brushed her aside or ignored her phone calls. Always she had found a smile, a hug, or an embrace to patch up the gap those slights of his made.

But with Light working so hard and chained up to that pervert Ryuzaki, it was becoming harder and harder to keep the blanket from unravelling.

Having sex with Light was out of the question entirely with him there. There was no way Misa was going to show Light how much she loved him with those owl eyes around. But she did try to sleep beside him. He had spent the first night at the computer, tapping away while Ryuzaki leafed through papers. It had been almost impossible to sleep. Whether that was from the noise or from the lump in her throat, Misa could not say.

The second night, Light had come to bed. But every time Misa had tried to put her arm around him, he had shoved her away. The first time he had told her that he wasn't comfortable sleeping so close to someone. The second time, he had been half-asleep and pushed her aside from reflex. She had turned away, hoping that that creepy Ryuzaki wouldn't notice her quiet crying.

This was the third night Misa had tried to join Light in bed, and he hadn't even bothered to kiss her goodnight. All she had gotten was "Misa, I'm tired. Try to stay to your side tonight, please." Then he had collapsed on the bed. Before five minutes had passed, he was asleep.

She reached out and gently pushed a strand of bronze hair back from Light's cheek. He did not stir. Misa wished that he would murmur a little, turn towards her, or show in some way that her touch had moved him.

"You know he won't ever care about you, Miss Amane."

Looking up, she saw Ryuzaki watching her from the chair by bed. He had a stack of papers in one hand, while the other, the one with the chain, dangled loosely over the arm of the chair.

"What do you know about it?" she snapped as softly as she could manage. "You couldn't care for people if your life depended on it. How would you know what affection someone is capable of?"

"Observation," he replied.

His shadowed eyes had a look that Misa could not quite identify. Perhaps it was pity or contempt.

She tried to think how to answer. "Observation isn't enough," she said at last. "It doesn't tell you about feeling. About the heart."

"Actions tell about the heart, Miss Amane. You know that, I think. It's why you put on such a show when he comes back from work, why you dress in your lingerie for him, why you won't kiss any other man. You know actions are the measure of the heart. And you tailor your actions with that in mind."

"That's not true!" Misa barely remembered to keep her voice low. "Misa does those things because she loves Light! She wouldn't tailor them for anything!"

"Do you not? Why do you make such a show of refusing to touch lips with your co-stars? No one would think that an actress on camera actually feels the emotion she depicts in real life. No one with sense, anyway," he amended. "Light certainly would not be bothered if you kissed a man for theatrical purposes. But you make a show of your devotion. You want people to know your love. And since I think you know better than most the power of action- you take these actions for yourself. You want to tell yourself that your affection for Light has depth."

"That's not true," she whispered. Her voice trembling, though whether from rage or sorrow, perhaps not even the great Ryuzaki could have said. Certainly Misa did not know. "It's not. You don't know anything about Misa's heart, Ryuzaki. You don't know how I love, or how I show it."

He watched her closely and she raised her chin and stared back. After what seemed ages of staring into those unnerving eyes, he looked away. "Perhaps I do not," he said quietly. "But I think you see more than you let on, Miss Amane. And whatever you may feel for Light, I think you know that he does not care about you. You distract us- and yourself- with your greetings and your words, but I do not think you would do so if you believed he cared for you."

She rose from the bed and stalked to the door. Ryuzaki turned back to his papers, and that made Misa want to scream. She could not let him have the last word. But she could not think of anything to say to prove him wrong.

Then she decided that it did not matter and stalked back to his chair. "Ryuzaki, turn around."

He ignored her.

She grabbed his shoulder. "Look at me!"

He turned sharply, dropping his papers and seizing her wrist. The chain rattled. Both of them froze for a moment, but Light remained asleep.

Misa turned back to Ryuzaki. His face was only a few inches away from hers, but since it had gotten his full attention, she did not care. "You might be right," she said, and let the words hang between them.

Almost two full minutes passed before he finally broke the silence. "About what, Miss Amane?"

"My tailoring my actions. It's easier that way. For both Light and me. He does not care for my actions. But he knows that I care about him. And that's enough. If you are as good at observing as you say, you know that. I love him. He can use me and treat me however he wishes. It doesn't matter what I do. That won't change."

For one brief flicker of a second, Ryuzaki looked taken aback and startled. His eyes flickered up and down her face as if he was looking for something. Misa had no idea what he sought, but as long as he understood what she had said, that would be enough. She would wait all night for him to understand that Light was everything to her, the axis on which she turned and the compass by which she moved.

And after several long seconds, his eyes fell away. Before he turned his head aside, she saw comprehension, and- to her bewilderment- bitterness.

She realized that the posture in which she was leaning forward could be mistaken as leaning in for a kiss, what with their faces so close and her hands on the arm of the chair. Hastily she stepped back and turned toward the door.

"That's what I thought, Miss Amane."

She turned around. He was already flipping through the papers, not even doing her the courtesy of a glance. Misa was in no mood to prolong this game. "What did you think, Ryuzaki?"

He looked at her then, his face shadowed. "That what you do does not matter."

She took a furious step toward him, and he continued, "Your love for him will not change."

For a long moment they stared at one another. Then Misa raised her chin. "As long as you understand that- I don't need to stay."

She left and wondered if, had she looked back, she would have seen Ryuzaki's shadowed eyes following her out the door. And she wondered if, had she remained, those eyes would have been sharp enough to see the bright blanket in her heart unravelling even further. Either way, she was glad she had not stayed. Those eyes had seen enough of her as it was.


End file.
